Marriage. Somali marriages have traditionally been considered a bond between not just a man and a woman, but also between clans and families. Most Somali marriages in rural areas and some urban cities are arranged. These customs still hold true in many rural areas in the twenty-first century. The man pays a bride price—usually in livestock or money — (“Yarad”) to the woman’s family. Somali herders traditionally marry outside their family lineage, or, if within the lineage, separated from the man by six or more generations. Agropastoral Somalis follow the Arab tradition of marrying within the father’s family lineage, with first cousins often marrying. A Somali bride often lives with her husband’s family after marriage, but she keeps her family name,
However, these days the process is generally a little bit different than it used to be in urban cities. In most urban areas the bride and the bridegroom date (“Shukaansi”) until they agree to marry each other. Both man and woman hide their dating from their families until they agree to marry each other. Dating or shukaansi in Somali culture is different in concept and practice from the western style dating. The major difference is there are no sexual relations in Somali culture between the would-be wife and husband until a marriage contract is executed. After they make the initial agreement, they share their desires with their respective parents. The man’s family will make the first contact if they are satisfied with the would-be future wife of their son; this process is called “Doonis” or engagement. The parents discuss the matter and set a date for the marriage contract and wedding.
In rural areas, the process is different, the man shares his desire to marry with his parents. Then, his parents will look for a girl that is equivalent to their boy in terms of wealth, beauty, and lineage. Thereafter, they will contact the parents of the girl and set a date to come for official engagement, marriage, and wedding.
The man’s family usually pays to the bride’s family “Yarad.” Yarad is paid as money in urban cities or animals in rural areas. Yarad is paid to the immediate family of the girl such as her father, , and uncles to honor them and thank them for raising such a wonderful woman. The amount paid depends on the socio-economic status of the man and the woman, and is different from tribe to tribe depending on the customary laws. “Sooryo” is money given to the attendees of the marriage contract. There is no fixed amount for Sooryo. Unlike Yarad, Sooryo belongs to the attendees of the time of the marriage contract. In the United States, it ranges from $10 to $50 depending on the pockets of the bridegroom and the number of attendees. Another commitment the bridegroom pledges or pays is what is called “Meher” or dowry. The dowry is not required to be paid immediately unless the bride requests. The dowry could be any amount agreed by the bride and the bridegroom. In Somali culture and generally in Islam, it’s the responsibility of the man to provide for his family.
Islamic law permits a man to have up to four wives if he can provide them and their children with equal support. If a man divorces his wife by saying “I divorce you” they are considered separate. The man has the right to retain his wife in a three-month grace period by saying “I retained you,” or “Raja,tu”. There must be at least two witnesses in marriage, divorce, and retention. If he divorces his wife and retains her again, the third time he has no right to retain his wife in the three-month grace period. The three-month period is called “Iddah” to ensure she is not pregnant.
Further resources:
Videos: “Two Weddings, Somali Style” (44 mins.) by Al Jazeera